s.a.t.i.s.f.a.c.t.i.o.n.

i have this fear. and i realize it's the fear that has been in the pit of my stomach for the majority of my life. and that fear is, "what if i'm never satisfied." i mean seriously, will i spend the rest of my life looking for myself? or for what my purpose is?

the thought of that makes me weary.

i remember as a child, i really believed i was going to be or do something "special". i truly believed that God had this cool thing for me to do that no one else could do. and as life passes by i've lost the belief in that dream; and sadly i've lost that little girl. i can barely see her. i search for her. but i can't seem to dig her out. and i think that's why i feel so unsatisfied. because i lost myself. and until i can find me, nothing will ever feel at home. because i'm not at home within myself.