Growth, Change, Risk, the Unknown

"Growth means change,
and change involves risk,
stepping from the known to the unknown."
~author unknown

I love this quote. I love that it describes where I am right now in my life. As I've stated before, I'm definitely in a season of change. And for once, I'm not fighting it. But I'm noticing that it's taking much faith from me. A faith I've never exercised before. Some days are overwhelmingly scary, while others are full of a sweet calm. As I grow I'm seeing so many areas that are changing in me naturally and easy; and other areas that will take a little, okay maybe a lot, of effort from me. Those who know me well, know that change freaks me out. I get all high strung and anxious. I believe that comes from not having control in my life growing up as a child, so I try to control everything I can. Therefore, change for me is a risk. A big one. I've been feeling better about these risks lately. I've still been feeling overwhelmed, but more confident in my risk taking adventures. I know they are forming and fashioning me into what I need to fulfill God's perfect plan for my life. I won't lie, the "unknown" kinda makes me want to run the other way. But, I've decided to retire my running shoes. It's no use running. I always run right back into where I should have been. So instead of taking the scenic route, I should just head right into His plan.

Happy Trails to me!

warrior princess

tonight, as i was perusing through the world of facebook, my sweet friend natalie popped up with a little "hello" on facebook chat. and she was commenting on my status that said something about me having the need to be completely honest with people. i've been trying to shed my people pleasing ways. and then we had this jewel of a conversation that went something like this.....

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9:35pmNatalie
i'm all for shootin straight with people. i didn't do that for WAY too many years
9:36pmRaelynn
yeah...i'm in a "tell it like it is" mood these days
9:36pmNatalie
good.
9:36pmNatalie
the world needs to hear it from you straight
9:37pmRaelynn
you think the world needs to hear from me....? i'm not sure they're ready for what the rae has to offer.
9:37pmNatalie
maybe if you unleash it in baby steps we'll be able to handle it
9:38pmRaelynn
oh....just don't attack?
smart thinking
9:38pmNatalie
hee hee
i've always thought that about you...the heart of a warrior princess
9:38pmRaelynn
really?
9:38pmNatalie
totally
9:38pmRaelynn
hmmm....thanks!!
9:39pmNatalie
i'm not sure what your impressions of yourself have been or what people have pigeon holed you as, but you definitely come across as a woman with a heart full of holy fierceness and i mean that in the BEST of ways
******************************

i loved that conversation. actually, it was a well needed conversation. i've been in a deep and sometimes painful growing process in the last few months. i've been purposely trying to shed layers of what i've believed about myself that hasn't been truth or lined up with the word of God; as well as, eliminate the words that bounce around in my head that people have used to stunt my growth.

i loved that she called me a "warrior princess"!! when God speaks to me, sometimes, He calls me princess and the fact that she added "warrior" was a confirmation of what God's been doing in me. He's been changing me--and for once, i'm finally allowing Him. and i've been viewing myself in different ways. and i'm loving it.

the desire for more

I'm definitely at a place in my life where I no longer want to settle for the mundane, or even the comfortable in regards to my life and purpose!! God has me growing in ways I never have before. I believe, now, I am more open to Him changing me into what He desires. However, I feel like I'm still not "doing" enough to maintain, or acquire, all He has for me. Maybe that's been my problem all along? I keep thinking I need to be doing, when all God wants is for me to desire Him and sit still so that He can pour Himself within me. It just doesn't seem like it should be that easy though.

I know as I'm growing, I just can't help but want even MORE of Him. The desire is there and seems insatiable at times; I just don't know how to fill it. I can't seem to get enough of the Lord right now. And I like that feeling, but i'll admit, it also scares me. Am I up to the challenge? Can I be who I know is on the inside? God created me with an original intent for my life; but as life, with it's many ups and plethora of downs, bucked and kicked--by my own doing at times--I veered off the path. As I've pulled myself up and am heading in the right direction, I still have this nagging fear of, "what if my desire for more is not enough?" Or the dreaded thought of, "What if I screw it all up again?"

The desire for more of what God has for me is great within me, but I'm lost in knowing my next step. I just need to have the faith that as I wait and earnestly desire more of Him, He will in fact come to me and meet me where I am at right now. He doesn't wait for me to look, or be, a certain way. Regardless and in spite of my past, present or future, God is more than willing to come to me NOW. I think that's why I've been enjoying--and listening on repeat to, "You'll Come" by Hillsong. I love all of the lyrics, but I especially love the lines that says, "as surely as the sun will rise, You'll come to us, as certain as the dawn appears. You'll come, let Your glory fall as You respond to us.."!!! I love that and all that it means. He will come and He will respond to our desire for Him. Without a doubt we can count on the fact that HE WILL COME TO US. And my desire for more is beautiful in His eyes. I need not worry about the past or wonder if i'm doing enough in the present, I just need to give God the room to "come" in my life and He has everything planned out according to His good for my life.